Do You Avoid Tough Conversations? Blind Spot #4

From the Author of Speak Up, Show Up, and Stand Out & Fearless Leadership

This is the fourth of 10 blind spots that can sabotage your effectiveness.

 Blind Spot #4–Avoiding Difficult Conversations.  What it Means.   

The definition: Avoiding the discomfort of dealing with certain topics and/or people.

If you have this blind spot you may also have a fear: Having a difficult conversation will make things worse.

 The Downside of Avoiding (and Postponing) Tough Conversations

Do tough conversations make you feel uncomfortable?  Do you avoid them or postpone them?

The problem is: If you can’t talk about it, you can’t resolve it.

If you consistently avoid difficult conversations, people will perceive you as:  weak, withholding your real feelings, and watering down your message. You’ll lose credibility when people discover they can’t count on you to be direct.

Do YOU Avoid Tough Conversations?   

Ask others to rate you on the following items using the scale of 1 (rarely) to 5 (frequently).

Blind Spot 4 Pic

How do you rate?

32 to 40:    You shut yourself—and everyone else—down. People can count on you to run and hide.

17 to 31:    You shy away from certain issues. Your behavior is inconsistent.

8 to 16:       You speak up and handle tough issues. Just make sure you speak up responsibly.

Want More?

Read the book Fearless Leadership and the anti-blogs on The 10 Blind Spots.

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Dr. Loretta Malandro is the CEO of the Malandro Consulting Group (www.malandro.com) and the author of several landmark business communication books including: Fearless Leadership, Say It Right the First Time, and her new book, “Speak Up, Show Up, and Stand Out: The 9 Communication Rules You Need to Succeed”.

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Are You Insensitive? Blind Spot #2

Blind Spot 2 Malandro Consulting

(Donald Sterling former LA Clippers owner)

This is the second of 10 blind spots that can sabotage your effectiveness.

Blind Spot #2—Being Insensitive to Your Impact on Others.  What It Means.   

Do you miss the verbal and nonverbal cues of others?  If you do, you may have a low threshold for recognizing when your own words and behaviors have a less-than-desirable impact.

If you have this second blind spot—being insensitive to your impact on others—it means one of two things:  1) You lack awareness about how your behavior affects others, or 2) You lack the skills to know how to change your behavior to have a positive impact.

The Downside of Missing or Ignoring Cues 

Are you shocked by how people react to things you say or do?  If you are, you may be insensitive to your impact on others.  Although your intention is not to provoke a negative reaction in people, your behavior sends a different message.

If you are insensitive to others, it’s likely that you do not recognize how your words or actions make people feel.  You will miss important cues and you will leave people feeling irritated, resentful, disrespected, angry, or hurt.

 

Are YOU Insensitive to Your Impact on Others?   

Ask others to assess your behavior using the scale of 1 (rarely) to 5 (frequently).

 

blind spots

 

How do you rate?

32 to 40:    Warning—your insensitivity is highly insensitive. You miss even the most basic cues from others.  Read this several times.

17 to 31:    You are basically a sensitive person with insensitive behaviors.  Close the gap.

8 to 16:       You pick up the cues of others and respond appropriately.   Keep refining your skills.

Want More?

Read the book Fearless Leadership and the anti-blogs on The 10 Blind Spots.

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Do You Go it Alone? Blind Spot #1

Blind Spot Malandro

This is the first of 10 blind spots that can sabotage your effectiveness.

Blind Spot #1—Going it Alone. What it Means

Do you believe that you should be able to handle everything by yourself? That it’s your responsibility to keep the weight of the world on your shoulders?
People who view themselves as self-sufficient and responsible frequently fall into the trap of going it alone. Going it alone—shouldering the burden yourself and not seeking (or rejecting) support from others—is the #1 blind spot.

The Downside of Going it Alone

Do people trust you to be open and honest in good times and bad? High performance teamwork requires this type of self-disclosure, mutual support, and trust.
If you are a team member or a team leader who goes it alone, others will feel excluded and minimized. When people can’t connect with the real and vulnerable you, they will comply, work around you, limit their contributions, and solve problems on their own without the benefit of your input.

 

Do YOU Go it Alone?

If you want the unvarnished truth, ask peers, direct reports, superiors, and your friends/family to assess you.
Directions: Use the scale of 1 (rarely) to 5 (frequently) to rate each item.

 

Blind Spot 1 Assessment

 

 

How do you rate?

32 to 40:    No debate—you go it alone.  Ask others for coaching and apply it.

17 to 31:    You go it alone in certain situations.  Discover what triggers you.

8 to 16:       You seldom go it alone but that’s always room to grow.

 

Want More?

Read the book Fearless Leadership and the anti-blogs on the 10 Blind Spots.

Anti Blog

 

 

Dr. Loretta Malandro is the CEO of the Malandro Consulting Group (www.malandro.com) and the author of several landmark business communication books including: Fearless Leadership, Say It Right the First Time, and her new book, “Speak Up, Show Up, and Stand Out: The 9 Communication Rules You Need to Succeed”.

The 3 Levels of Negativity: How Do You Rank?

Malandro Consulting Communication Rules

From the new book Speak Up, Show Up, and Stand Out

 

Do negative conversations prevent you (and others) from doing your best work?

No one wants to think that he or she is a negative person. We reserve this label to describe our co-workers or friends. You may not realize that you are making toxic comments or silently endorsing negative comments. But these behaviors hurt you just the same.

If you’re thinking, “I don’t join in with the complainers and backstabbers,” take a closer look at your behavior by answering the following questions.

 

communication negativity

 

The questions you answered above correspond to the 3 levels of negativity:

Level 1—Occasional Venting: You blow off steam by venting to others. Your normal optimism is outweighed by your frustration and you just want someone who will listen so you can get back on track.

Level 2—Habitual Negativity: You constantly complain and focus on what’s not working. You’re fixated on what others should or should not do. You are resigned that despite your best efforts nothing will ever change.

Level 3—Taking Sides and Building Camps: You intentionally try to convert others to your negative view by engaging people to be your co-conspirators. You are not a bad person; you’re just highly frustrated. Your unproductive communication damages your relationships and your future.

It’s not easy to confront your own negativity. Denial is always our best defense.

Strip away the judgment about yourself and ask the question: “Are my behaviors undermining my effectiveness?

 

Anti Blog

 

Dr. Loretta Malandro is the CEO of the Malandro Consulting Group (www.malandro.com) and the author of several landmark business communication books including: Fearless LeadershipSay It Right the First Time, and her new book, “Speak Up, Show Up, and Stand Out: The 9 Communication Rules You Need to Succeed”.

The 9 Communication Rules You Need to Succeed

From the new book Speak Up, Show Up, and Stand Out 

Is your communication sabotaging your effectiveness? 

Welcome to our crowded world.  Today instant global communication—where we prize speed over effectiveness—is contributing to massive misunderstandings and conflict.

Everyone is distracted. Chances are that your messages—whether electronic or face-to-face—are being undervalued, misunderstood, or flat-out ignored.

If you don’t know how to get your message across effectively, or how to handle the negativity that is  hurled at you via emails, text messages, and online posts, you don’t stand a chance.

What price are you paying for ineffective communicate? 

  • Stress at work and at home
  • Feeling as if your job is never done
  • Frustrated that you are being misinterpreted
  • Spending too much time dealing with constant misunderstandings

Enter the 9 Communication Rules

More than ever before we need communication guidelines to help us navigate sticky situations and resolve difficult conversations.

These aren’t your standard rules.  They are value-based guidelines that tell people who you are and what you will and will not stand for.

Speak Up

 

The 9 communication rules will set you apart: You will stand out. 

Apply them each time you communicate (consistency is key).  You will:

  • Capture the attention of others
  • Create a strong presence
  • Quickly resolve misunderstandings and conflict
  • Be viewed as an influencer or leader regardless of your title or position.

Anti Blog

 

Dr. Loretta Malandro is the CEO of the Malandro Consulting Group (www.malandro.com) and the author of several landmark business communication books including: Fearless Leadership, Say It Right the First Time, and her new book, “Speak Up, Show Up, and Stand Out: The 9 Communication Rules You Need to Succeed”.